MARCH 15, 2004 (MONDAY)
Fuck. I think I’m coming down with a cold.
Or maybe the weather’s changing to fast for my system to keep up with.
Or maybe it’s stress. I can feel the weight of the semester hanging over my head.
Technically, I am supposed to accomplish three things tonight: Mitzie’s article, the beginnings of my CL 122 paper, and the revision of my CW 150 poem. However, thinking about them is making my head hurt already, so I will perhaps move on to better things.
I’m not quite sure what to blog about tonight, before moving on to heavier things. I feel rather out of sorts tonight. I thought that going out would do the trick and get my mind off things – and the opportunity actually presented itself ‘cos Meia was looking for someone to watch a movie with – but at the last minute we had to call it off and I ended up trudging home with a box of Chocopie under my arm and wondering why the hell I was feeling so downcast.
I don’t know; maybe it’s because it’s just one of those days when one is quite uncomfortable with the little moments that constitute the day that one ends up wondering, “Okay, is that it? Is this what it’s going to be all about in the end?” Or maybe I’m just being hormonal – I’m on the tail end of my period, and I just effing hate it. I end up being emotional and hypersensitive and angsty and I just hate that part of me.
In other news, I find myself suddenly at a loss with regards to my impending thesis for the next year. The poetry teacher that I wanted to be my thesis adviser is leaving by next semester, and I don’t know who else I’d want to get for my thesis. He’s either going to teach in another school (because he says thet UP pays sucks big time, and it’s true) or go on LOA for a few years and, I don’t know, take up gardening or something. Which means I’m pretty much stuck in a rut. And while I do have the summer and most of first semester next year to think about it, I find myself direction-less as of the moment. I hope this resolves itself soon. I want a decent adviser.
And another teacher is leaving by the summer, which means that the whole college is going to have to do a major re-organizing again. Again, am losing one of the cornerstones of my college academic life, just because this is a guy that has done a lot of good for the college. I know a lot of students don’t like him because of petty things (well, I find them petty, at any rate) like the way he talks or the way he conducts class, but he’s harmless and entertaining and he’s one of those people that makes life easier for the students in terms of bureaucracy. Kaya nga I’m rather worried with GRAIL next year kasi nga wala na siya, and then we have to justify ourselves again before a completely new face. Plus, personally, I like him as my teacher and as an administrator – just because one can usually count on him to be on the students’ side and he doesn’t seem to be afflicted with that kind of psychosis that seems to afflict most university administrators and make them seem to want to make life all the more difficult for students.
Hay naku. Sometimes I wish I could just get away from this all. Give me a beach and a sunset and a nice breeze and sand between my toes and I think I’ll be happy. Right now, I think I’m just coming apart at the seams.
Back to work.