Navigation is the Key
From Salcedo Street, I decided to take the footbridge that stretched all the way from the BPI main office to the MRT Ayala Station. The walk was about 20-30 minutes (in my trusty rubber shoes) and meandered from overhead views of the street and the relatively low traffic below, to the cavernous depths of building parking lots, and the confusing jumble of buildings that is the Ayala skyline. Twilight was already falling, and I allowed myself to be immersed in the sea of people - workers, contractual laborers, yuppies, etc. - also going home.
And then I wondered whether I'd be here in a few years, with my officemates (or with a date - who knows?), going home from a rough day at work, or from a meeting the the boss, or on my way to dinner with friends (or with a date - who knows?) or something like that. Or maybe working in Ayala is the farthest thing from what the universe is planning for me.
And so I stop by SM and pick up a few goodies for the family, and then squish into the grand humanity of the MRT station - which at 7 PM is close to suffocating. I now know what a sardine feels inside its little bottle, filled to the brim with oil and herbs and the occasional damp carrot slice. I couldn't even see the windows, let alone the Manila evening zipping past us on rails and the hum of train engines. We could have been underwater, for all I cared - the swoosh of the vacuum breaking as the doors open, the circles of privacy nonexistent, the man behind me grinding his ass up mine and I couldn't even shift away because honestly, there was no space. (I just hope he jacked off good.)
Getting off at Quezon Avenue and making my way to the jeepney stop, I realize that so many things are changing and I'm not quite sure I can keep up with all of this. From the jeepney fare going up from P4 to P5.50 to all the little dramas of my life and my friends' lives to this continual continental drift from Never Never Land to the real world. I find my head spinning from all these newness and I'm just looking forward to a nice quiet dinner sometime this week where I can sit down, relax, and release my need to talk and to listen and for a moment, focus on my little microcosm of the universe.
After Playing Florence Nightingale
I realize that there are patterns everywhere. And while each situation may remain significant in their own light, the grander picture will emerge, woven in repeating motifs that will eventually carry the weight of the world.
So I'll tell you this, my dear: as long as you think you've made the best choice for yourself - and we're beyond good or bad here - then be strong and don't waver in your decision. This is the tenuous part of things, when you aren't sure whether you should stay or you should go. And I can't tell you these things; these are things you'll have to figure out for yourself.
But it will get easier with time. And all those years you've spent with her - don't throw it into the dustbin of memories or sweep them under the rug until they accumulate like dust bunnies. I mean, they still comprise a part of you. It was just high time to close that particular chapter of your life and take a step forward. And it's not selfish to make a decision that will be good for you. You've been defined by her for so long.
And if you were really meant to be together, then the universe will make way for you to be together. All you have to do is to be aware of the moment it happens, and make a choice as to whether you still want it or not. Soulmates are real. Remember that song from Hedwig and the Angry Inch?
But for the meantime, just live.
And Other Things That May Concern You
Applause for Rita, who finally got published in the Inquirer's Youngblood column today. "Ink-blotch" is the title of her wonderful essay. ^_^
Oh, and Fete de la Musique is this Saturday already. The gigs start at 5 PM on eight simultaneous stages set up around Eastwood, Libis. Who are the people coming? Let's arrange transpo and dinner already! ^_^ Text me by Friday if you're sure you're coming, what time would you prefer to meet up and where, and what time are you supposed to be home, if your parents will require a chaperone (my dad's usually available), and what's your budget. If you can't text me, then the landline is always there, or leave a message here.
This Is Me As a Cocktail Drink
How to make a gabby girl
1 part intelligence
1 part courage
5 parts beauty
Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Top it off with a sprinkle of sadness and enjoy!