Sunday, June 20, 2004

JUNE 20, 2004 (SUNDAY)

Falling From The Edge

I am so frightened to fall asleep now, knowing that my dreams are always so much better that my life right now. What I wouldn't give to stay in my dreams, because somehow you are always part of it.

There are so many people telling me that they have been dreaming about Us, The Reprise. As if this was the sequel to this movie. As if this wasn't a stand-alone novel, but a series to follow. I thought I had closed the chapter of my life that contained you - why do I keep on coming back to it in dreams?

I wish I was you. I think you've been more successful in eradicating me from your life.

Earlier, I dreamed that we were at the back entrance of the Faculty Center. The sky was overcast, and the ground was damp. You were holding my hand. And as we walked, you suddenly turned and kissed me - softly, slowly. We walked down the cement path that ran through the tambayan complex, and we passed all our friends who didn't seem to notice us. And then when we got to the end of the path, we were standing again at the back entrance of the Faculty Center. You leaned in to kiss me again, but I pulled away.

This isn't the first dream I've had about this.

Please, universe. Stop asking me to be strong. Stop asking me to be more than human. Please, for once, let someone catch me when I start crumbling, before I become fine grains of sand that slip through the spaces between fingers.

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