Thursday, June 24, 2004

JUNE 24, 2004 (THURSDAY)

Morning Writing

I dreamed about you last night. We were seated at the back of a classroom at Palma Hall, and you turned to me and whispered, "Wanna watch a movie later?"

I nodded, not really paying attention.

And then you leaned over and started to kiss me.

And then the scene changed, and we were in a taxicab stuck in the middle of traffic. There was a downpour outside. You were seated at the front seat, and I was at the back. I think we were talking. And then this MMDA person comes along and pulls the cab door open and ushers in this bedraggled couple into the cab. The woman was carrying babies - twin girls, if I remember correctly - and she was so obviously pregnant.

I started playing with the babies when the woman announced that her water broke. She gave birth to this gigantic white egg inside the cab, and in the middle of all the human bodily fluids, the egg started cracking. All these hairline cracks started appearing across the surface, and for some reason, this frightened me the most.

The shell never broke, though. I woke up before it happened.

To Be Good

Meia was right. I have to start being good to myself. I can't be in this slump forever, living a half-life through you. Yes, I still love you, but I also have to start learning how to live for myself. And if that sounds selfish and self-centered, I'm sorry but this is the only way I can start putting the pieces back together and being whole. Because I cannot be this half-entity around you. I have to be able to stand up and look at you in the eye and tell you all these things that I've been meaning to tell you.

We are friends, there's no doubt about that.

But sometimes, to be good to ourselves, friends also have to learn where everything ends and begins.

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