Wednesday, June 30, 2004


Bloody Mess

The world is full of ironies after all.

After more than three months of full-blown panic and paranoia attacks, my uterus has finally confirmed the fact that I am still very much intact by finally allowing a deluge of blood to flow from me yesterday morning, resulting in cramps that felt as though elephants were tap-dancing on my stomach. And if it wasn't bad enough, I had to go to class - I couldn't afford to skive off another day from French.

(Thank goodness, though, else I would've missed out on a couple of exercises and the fact that WE HAVE A QUIZ ON THURSDAY! I don't do quizzes. I haven't done quizzes since sophomore year. Ye gads.)

At any rate, so I go to school a bit before 2.30, hoping against hope that my body will behave during class. Instead, cramps the size of a miniature volcano started erupting in the middle of a discussion on the usage of the l'imparfait and passe compose and I was just so tempted to go on a fucking rampage. Aside from squirming in my seat, trying to get the most comfortable (and the safest) position I can get myself into, there's that additional gushy feeling that I always hate. It's times like these when I wonder if I will still have enough blood in my system to continue on living.

After class, I had to trudge back to the tambayan, feeling as though red hot pokers were being skewered into my system. My (strange) knights-in-rusty-armor, Dell and Peloy, were there to at least make sure that I got home - writhing and doubling over in pain - with more Midol that I ever thought I'd have in one pocket. After realizing that pain can be transcended (with the amazing help of pharmaceuticals), I realized that I still have a lot of work to do.



The world being strange as usual, I find that my usual companion these days is none other than a loud, noisy, cigarette-and-sweat-smelling gay man who's big enough so that you don't want to meet him in a dark alley alone at night. Yep, that's Dell. Which is strange, considering that he's supposed to be Peloy's best friend.

Usual night out would be that he comes here at around 8 or 9 PM. (Before, Peloy would come along, but now it's just the two of us, with an absent friend that usually makes his presence felt through our conversation.) We strike out down Maginhawa Street, ready to invade Salt of the Earth or Ababu or Mini Stop, wherever we fancy. Sometimes we sing American Idol songs as we traipse along the asphalt roads. Sometimes, for lack of anything better to do, we walk as near as UP and as far as Kamias. Somehow, these nightly rendezvous become our avenues for rants and raves and everything in between, no-holds-barred conversations about the fuckshit life we're living.

After everything is said and done, we walk around the length of Quezon Circle (the outer rim) from the Kalayaan opening to Philcoa, where we count call boys. It's an amusement of ours, begun long ago by Peloy and myself during one of those crazy evenings when we didn't have anything to do and we didn't have any money. At any rate, Dell takes me home and then goes off to his own home at Novaliches.

Anyway, yesterday's adventures got us to the swankier side of the neighborhood - namely, Katipunan and the ever-reliable Seattle's Best Coffee - because Dell needed to drown his sorrows in a grande raspberry mocha and I was perfectly content with my usual. We grabbed a couple of cushy seats in the smoking area (where as usual I sacrifice my lungs and general health in the interest of good conversation) and dragged on a rant-and-rave session ranging from *youknowhat* to inter-fucking-mates (yes, that's what we call the movie now) to planning an X-Files DVD marathon of Season 3.

Weather in Manila

Is getting crazier and crazier. It's raining right now. Well, actually, it's been raining ever since I got back from Dumaguete - what a surprise. Not that I mind rain; I'm one of those people who actually romanticize the rain as one of those cuddle-up-close-under-the-blanket weather. Not that I have anyone to cuddle up to as of the moment, but then one can always dream.

My toes are getting chilly, too. ^_^ Been warmed up, at any rate, by Neil LaBute's "Possession," a film which I absolutely adore. Best lines are always from lovers. In this case, poetess Christabel La Motte utters them: (from two different scenes)

"I have known incandescence, and must decline to sample it any further."

"I cannot let you burn me up, nor can I resist it. What mere human can stand in the middle of a fire and not be burned?"

At any rate, it's just that with this erratic weather, everyone ends up getting sick - in one form or the other - and it's quite irritating to have people out of commission just when you need them the most. Of course now I'm quite proud of GRAIL because they're starting to prove me wrong - can someone please pinch me? If we actually push through with orienting the new applicants, as well as the group discussions, the interviews, and the induction - omg, watch me clap my hands in glee and hope for the better.

Anyway, I must rush. Still have class tomorrow, and a poem and a reaction paper to write, and a French exam to study for. ^_^

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