JUNE 6, 2004 (SUNDAY)
And so that's it.
All I wanted was my fairy tale ending. And then I suddenly remember that the world cannot support happy endings.
If there's one thing I've gained from this, it's the fact that everyone makes mistakes - and that everyone has to learn to move on, and start forgetting.
If ever he forgives me, there will be a lot of apologies going around. If he actually gets around to fixing his life, and remembering the good times more than the bad, if he thinks of me with fondness rather than with bitterness, then perhaps the world isn't so fucked up after all. But that's a lot of possibilities. In the real world, he is now incredibly angry at me, and will perhaps never forgive me for what I did.
I remember Yoda when he says, "Hurt leads to anger. Anger leads to pain, pain leads to suffering." I think I know what he means now. And it while it wasn't wrong for me to feel whatever emotions I feel, perhaps my mistake was the way I vented it. And I am still regretful. But I cannot battle circumstance, I cannot fight stubbornness and anger and hurt. Tell me if there's anything else I can do, and perhaps I will do it. But I'm out of options now - except to move on.
Please don't judge him based on what I write. There's a reason why I love him in the first place, and it transcends logic and reason and time and space and the universe. And that's something worth looking into.
And On To The Lighter Side of Life
Let me just get this off my chest first:
ALFONSO CUARON IS NOW OFFICIALLY A GOD.
Watching the third Harry Potter movie is like getting a breath of fresh air (or a fresh of breath air) after a long dive. So this is what an HP film should look like. Faithfulness to the book does not preclude magic. There were parts in the film where my heart was ready to stop - the movie does not let you go until then end, and that is when you breathe a sigh of relief, and the anticipation for the next one is worse than waiting for Christmas.
Hermione was lovely, Harry's finally growing up, and Ron's voice has broken. Tom Felton was amazingly evil as Malfoy, and truly deserved that punch. I shall agree with Ron on that one: brilliant! The Whomping Willow had more screen shots, the dementors were not Ringwraith-wannabes, and a friend of mine says that Dumbledore looked like he was on Viagra. ^_^ And I loved the whole Shrieking Shack and Time-Turner sequences. Pettigrew was as slimy as I imagined him, and everything just looked more...alive, not just cardboard cutouts of the characters.
Gives me hope that the franchise still has some soul left.
In other news, I managed to get most of my subjects for this incoming semester. 18 units still, with a double dose of French, just to get rid of that language elective hanging over my head since freshman year. Must also have to have myself evaluated already, and start inquiring regarding application for graduation. Must also start thinking about thesis...*makes choking sounds*
Also watched Big Fish yesterday at Monica's house. Actually, Aster summoned me, made a mistake, and so instead we just watched DVDs while they had an impromptu guild meeting. ^_^ It was a wonderful movie, and I just wish it had a longer screen time here in Manila. It reminded me why I wrote stories in the first place, and why there were stories in the first place. It was such a poignant, bittersweet tale - I loved that scene where Edward Bloom (Albert Finney) and his wife Sandra (Jessica Lange grows even more elegant with age) were lying fully-clothed in the bathtub, and she was saying how she couldn't live without him after he died. Also that part when Will (Billy Crudup) was carrying his father down to the river - that last story about how Edward died - and realizing that Edward told stories for a reason: to be remembered.
Isn't that what we all want, in the end? Immortality. This is why we live in the first place.