JULY 18, 2004 (SUNDAY)
Thank Yous and Applause
[curtain up. I am standing on a stage, carrying the a single lily stem. the spotlight focuses on me.]
I feel like I just won an Academy Award...or a Golden Globe, with the way things are going. But I have to do this, before getting back on track. Promise. I'll stop with the angst.
SANDRA! Ohmygodthankyouohsoverymuch! *squeezes cousin* Do I owe you another hamburger?
Erm, Ginny, yes I shall try and follow what you say. As Marie has said, you are truly our bigger sister. Myrza can be our biggest sister, though. ^_^ I'll try and see if I can come on Wednesday, okay? I want to, honestly, it's just that the funds are a bit too low for comfort. And thank you for the words of wisdom and the moments of truth. I know that what you are saying is true, and I wish that I could be as strong as you are. Maybe I'll get there someday. I'm taking baby steps. And I have you as my example.
Gandalf, even though you don't read this. (And thank goodness for that!) You have done so much for me today - and older brother that you are, I know that you care so much for my welfare even though you don't show it, because you were already on the warpath (kayo talaga ni Carl! Nakakatakot...) and I am honestly thankful that I didn't point out to you where Peloy lives while we were riding the jeepney in Kamias earlier because I'm not sure how drunk you guys were at 1 in the morning. Please behave yourself. The violence you are offering is flattering, but I think we're okay now. You still owe me that Keane CD, and comments on my bourgeoise poetry. And I'll visit Moira again soon because she's fun to play with - and I still owe my goddaughter a gift for her baptism.
Dell, even though you don't get to be online that often, thank you. Thank you for playing the role of the resident bakla, my therapist and walking buddy, the ninang to the relationship while it lasted, and for catching the both of us when everything fell apart. Thank you for being that person who defended him when I was angry, for being his best friend and loyal partner-in-crime, for making me see the other side of things, for singing Jennifer Hudson songs while we traveled around the neighborhood at midnight. You will always be more optimistic than me. And I know that you will find the one who will love you soon. And I owe you a dildo and the crayola-green sequined gown and the Jasmine Trias corsage.
Meia, Zena, Aster, Roja - because you were there to listen to me and to hug me and to give me lots of tissue paper when I needed it. For the long walks and talks and for just allowing me to spill myself without judgement or preconditioning. Thank you for accepting me in whatever frame of mind I was in. Thank you for forgiving him, and for not pulling his guts out with long sharp knives. You guys are a really great support system. Thank you for simply making me smile every day. And yes, I shall stop it with the suicide intentions.
Hiyas, my new cheering up buddy. ^_^ Yes, we shall shop again soon. Thank you for the talk at Figaro today.
Maia, Ruzela, OJ and GRAIL in general for catching these little pieces of me when I shattered. You saw me cry so many times at the tambayan that it's a wonder you guys aren't tired of hugging me and patting me on the back and telling me that everything will be okay. I think it was GRAIL that forced me out of this funk because the org was too precious to me to let it fall apart. And you guys are too precious to me and so I can't fail you in this. I think you guys taught me how to start breathing again. (Mai, everything will be all right. I promise you that. And I will say it over and over and over again until you listen to me.)
My boys: Elbert and Andrew; Kurt, Arvin and Kelly; Carl, and Norman. Thank you for making me smile, and distracting me from crying. Thank you for the offers of pain and torture and suffering that you wanted to inflict on him - even though it was neither necessary nor possible. (Yes, particularly that tattoo thing that Carl was talking about earlier, and the finger-breaking.) STOP IT. NO MORE VIOLENCE. Thank you for listening to me when I ranted and for telling me that everything will be all right. Thank you for feeding me french fries and telling me that I'm strong enough to get through this in one piece. Thank you for the confidence that I will survive, and that I will love again.
Marie and Mitzie, my roomies and sisters-in-chocolate. Thanks for the cheering squad and the chocolates. I shall buy you rhum coke soon, and watch you two embarrass yourselves again for my entertainment.
Mawsi, for being the loyal cousin and true friend that she is. Even if she bites. For making me watch S.O.S. and Hale Nochi Guu and reminding me that I still have my pride.
AND YOU. Goddammit. You. I don't even have to say anything. I've said enough, more than enough, about you in this blog and everywhere else. And I won't forget you, not by a long shot, and you know that. So this is where we close this particular chapter in our lives and open the next one. And your name is still written in my book. It's under the heading of "Best Friend." And you'd better make sure that you're worth this one. *glomp*
Otherwise, the next time we go out, you owe me a movie. And cheesecake. At Greenbelt. Hah. ^_^
And that's it. That's everything. It's over. I'm done. Thank you.
[I throw the lily to the audience and walk away. curtain falls]