Sunday, July 04, 2004

JULY 4, 2004 (SUNDAY)

Fucking Brilliant Movie

If you haven't seen Spider-Man 2, I will suggest you get off your seat right now and go to the nearest moviehouse to watch it.

From the opening sequences with Alex Ross' beautiful paintings that captured the most salient moments of the first movie to the heartbreaking exchanges between MJ and Peter, and Peter and Aunt May, and that moment when Otto Octavius says, "I don't want to die a monster," before he destroys his creation - everything was brilliant. Sam Raimi deserves his applause and kudos. And even though some parts were so hopelessly obvious as CGI, and some of the dialogue was so campy and quotable, and the ending was such a Hollywood ending that you almost wanted to hate yourself for wanting it to happen...even though all of these things happened, by the time Dashboard Confessional comes along and sings "Vindicated" at the end of the whole thing, you end up feeling happy-trippy that you watched the whole thing, and you wanna watch it again.

Happy Suicide

She has already confessed that she loves him, there is no doubt about that. That he has not pulled away is still something she is thankful about. That he still holds her hand when they walk is still a miracle. She is grateful for every comfortable silence, every hug, every word he drops in her direction. A part of her is still waiting for the next time he disappoints her - she supposes these halcyon days will not last forever.

She wonders what the source is for this calm surrender to the circumstances. She does not know what possessed her to pull out the green bracelet that she has been keeping in her bag ever since May and wordlessly tie it around his wrist during the tricycle ride home. She does not dare question that moment when he hugged her tight, and when his lips brushed hers for a moment in a gesture of farewell. She wonders where everything will lead.

This love she is keeping has now subsided to a potent ball of quiet white energy that she keeps in a little secret corner of her heart. Earlier, he tells her that he makes friends with people so that in the end, he will not be alone. She responds, reassuring him that he will never be. She wanted to remind him that he made her promise never to leave him - and she intends to hold to that promise.

She wants to feel his arms around her again, wants to have his shoulder to lean on, his lips to kiss. She knows that these are just memories, something to keep as photographs in her mind. She does not associate pain with him anymore - after everything they've been through, she wonders what she is to him right now. She does not want to think about this anymore; she is too tired of hoping, too wary of the future, too frightened of being burned again. And yet she knows that just one word from him and she will run back into his arms.

She wonders why all of this is happening. She wonders what the grand plan is now. She wonders what the next chapter will be like. She hopes she will not have to shed any more tears.

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