Wednesday, September 29, 2004

SEPTEMBER 29, 2004 (WEDNESDAY)

Adventures in Losing One's Self

Part One: Comfort Zone

I can't carry it around in my back pocket. But at least I found it.

And I still get free hugs. I suppose it's a fair trade.

Part Two: Flirting is a Power I Do Not Have in Abundance

No, the barista has not called yet. Maybe it was just a dream. Maybe we weren't seeing straight. Maybe he's gay. Maybe he lost my phone number. Maybe maybe maybe.

Pulchero, I need a cup of coffee. Anyone?

Part Three: Airy Fairy Lightness

I wish I could dance. I wish someone would write a poem for me, instead of always the other way around. I wish I could play Let's Pretend for the rest of my life.

Part Four: Walking at One

I need to lose weight. Without damaging my breasts. So I walk. At least now I have killer legs. And besides, Arvin's always there at one in the morning if I need an adventure. He now calls me "Amelie" or "the lover we all aspire to be." When I asked him why, he said that even under the worst of circumstances, I can still hope.

I wanted to tell him that sometimes, even in the best of circumstances, I still wonder why I hope.

Part Five: Questions

(in random order)

Why doesn't anyone fall in love with me?

Why am I not beautiful? Why am I not porcelain and smooth?

Why am I so painfully human that I wear this sopping excuse for a heart on my sleeve all the fucking time?

Why are men afraid of intelligent women?

Do I deserve me?

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