SEPTEMBER 29, 2004 (WEDNESDAY)
Adventures in Losing One's Self
Part One: Comfort Zone
I can't carry it around in my back pocket. But at least I found it.
And I still get free hugs. I suppose it's a fair trade.
Part Two: Flirting is a Power I Do Not Have in Abundance
No, the barista has not called yet. Maybe it was just a dream. Maybe we weren't seeing straight. Maybe he's gay. Maybe he lost my phone number. Maybe maybe maybe.
Pulchero, I need a cup of coffee. Anyone?
Part Three: Airy Fairy Lightness
I wish I could dance. I wish someone would write a poem for me, instead of always the other way around. I wish I could play Let's Pretend for the rest of my life.
Part Four: Walking at One
I need to lose weight. Without damaging my breasts. So I walk. At least now I have killer legs. And besides, Arvin's always there at one in the morning if I need an adventure. He now calls me "Amelie" or "the lover we all aspire to be." When I asked him why, he said that even under the worst of circumstances, I can still hope.
I wanted to tell him that sometimes, even in the best of circumstances, I still wonder why I hope.
Part Five: Questions
(in random order)
Why doesn't anyone fall in love with me?
Why am I not beautiful? Why am I not porcelain and smooth?
Why am I so painfully human that I wear this sopping excuse for a heart on my sleeve all the fucking time?
Why are men afraid of intelligent women?
Do I deserve me?