Saturday, September 04, 2004


Crash and Burn and Rebirth

Today, sitting inside the Student Council office and talking to the various publishers who were pitching their yearbook packages to the Editorial Board - of which I'm playing Editor-in-Chief, which means that I get to order other people around (not much difference from what I usually do at home to my younger siblings) - I suddenly realized that my life is so full right now, I'm almost ready to burst.

And I think - despite all my complaints and rants - that I actually enjoy this.

I didn't want to be one of the people who go to college just to get a degree and then get out of the place as fast as possible. Well, maybe during freshman year that was the plan, but then I remember in Mindanao that I just got so caught up in activities and being a member of several organization - the English-based org TINTA, the debate team, Kombuyahan - as well as being a student at what is possibly the best place to have an authetic provincial experience, that when I got to Diliman, it just seemed impossible that I wouldn't get involved in any college activities.

Well, of course there was the was the plan that Meia, Zena, and I had of not joining any organization - that ended up with us always traveling to CCHQ on our 1 1/2 hour breaks just because we didn't have our own little place to hang out on campus. And then of course I just had to get involved with the Writers' Club. And the GRAIL came along...

But right now, inspite of everything I'm doing - which makes me feel more and more like an extracurricular student instead of the other way around - I took up this yearbook position when it was offered to me by my friends at the CAL SC because I wanted to shrug of that mantle of apathy that I'd been wrapping around myself for the past how-many-years and actually do something for other people. Writing per se is a very solitary and selfish activity because you are living inside your head most of the time; it's actually made me more self-centered that I'd like to be. And so, to be part of the CAL yearbook - a college where there hasn't been a yearbook for the past 15 years - is actually a task that I am very excited about. And having a great editorial board is something that's very important to me, and I'm glad that the people I'm working with are people who are my friends and batchmates and I'm incredibly happy that I know I can trust these people to do their jobs, and to do it well. (I mean, Lex already has layout designs, and we've met with about four reps from publishers so far, with two more along the way next Tuesday.)

And then of course GRAIL is swamped with projects right now, which I'm also happy about, because we're finally becoming more productive and more active and with the newest batch pulling their weight around and becoming incresingly more reliable is actually an amazing experience. I'm excited about next week: the CAL Org Fair for the whole of September 6 to 10, and then the semestral ACLE, which I think I've posted on this blog earlier but was canceled due to the extreme weather changes. Details are the same, except for the dates of course. Here's hoping we actually raise funds next week - enough to fuel the comics-making contest we'll be having called Your Comics Here. And then next semester - the GRAIL exhibit and Gutterspaces. *jawdrop* Here we go...

The funny thing is, I haven't been able to write anything creative for the past few weeks. THIS IS AWFUL. I need to write a poem and finish a story and actually write articles for deadlines (one of which was due yesterday, but then who's counting?) but whenever I sit in front of the computer, I get a strange attack of BlankPaper-itis. It's horrid. It's horrible. It's terrible. I want to pull at my hair and scream, but it's already past midnight and I'm sure the neighbors wouldn't exactly appreciate it. The blog is my only outlet for this shortage of creative juices, and the repository of my frustrations. If only writing about high-tech kitchen sinks is a lot more exciting. *sigh*

And perhaps the only thing that I also missed was time for myself: the only stretch of time that I actually had with me was Thursday afternoon, when I decided to have lunch all by my lonesome at SBC Katipunan (their bolognese is fantastic, and cheap considering the other restaurant that serves bolognese that I love is Chocolate Kiss) and actually have the couch all to myself and there I was sipping hot chocolate after my lunch and flipping through a comic book and just allowing myself to unwind was something that I really needed after all the drama of this week, as well as the swiftness of the week to come. I've finally realized how valuable that time is when you're just zoning out in front of the TV or watching people pass you by at some random cafe - just because I just need time to collect myself, and actually remember where I'm coming from and where I want to go.

And today I think I sprained my ankle. It hurts. I tripped when I stepped down the slick sidewalk and the heel didn't drop down properly on the asphalt. And I have a photo shoot tomorrow with Hiyas...

And although I have been going home tired and drained and knowing that I have a gazillion things to do the next day, I find myself strangely comfortable in this position. I must be getting used to stress. ^_^

Mirror Image?

I would have wanted to post the contact prints for what would eventually be my graduation pictures, but then I don't have a scanner (thank goodness) and the other good shot that Roja - or was that Meia? - took while I was having a talk with Caloy over at the UGAT tambayan I don't have a copy of.

This is from the test shots we did for Swerve, another magazine I'm working for, which is coming out September 25 (I think). It's amazing that I look normal here.

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