Sunday, September 05, 2004

SEPTEMBER 5, 2004 (SUNDAY)

Drops of Jupiter
Train

Now that she's back in the atmosphere
With drops of Jupiter in her hair
She acts like summer and walks like rain
Reminds me that there's time to change
Since the return from her stay on the moon
She listens like spring and she talks like June

Tell me did you sail across the sun
Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated?
Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star
One without a permanent scar?
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?

Now that she's back from that soul vacation
Tracing her way through the constellation
She checks out Mozart while she does tae-bo
Reminds me that there's room to grow
Now that she's back in the atmosphere
I'm afraid that she might think of me as plain ol' Jane
Told a story about a man who is too afraid to fly so he never did land

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet?
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back to the Milky Way?
And tell me, did Venus blow your mind
Was it everything you wanted to find?
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?

Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken
Your best friend always sticking up for you even when I know you're wrong?
Can you imagine no first dance, freeze-dried romance, five-hour phone conversation
The best soy latte that you ever had . . . and me?

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet?
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back toward the Milky Way?

Tell me did you sail across the sun
Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated?
Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star
One without a permanent scar?
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?

Choices

I've always liked to believe that we make our own rules. It's tantamount to drawing a chalk line on the asphalt and saying, "This is my side and that's yours, and we're not stepping over each others' boundaries." I mean, in a world where we have very little control over what's happening externally of us, haveing internal control is important if we want to balance things out. We have a choice of saying yes or no given a situation, and whatever the results are of that choice, we also have to live with it. Consequences are also a big part of choosing - what are the consequences that you can live with, and what will weigh you down.

But sometimes the path isn't so clear, and sometimes life cannot be broken down into manageable pieces. There are situations that defy logic and gravity - that single flash of lightning that cuts a jagged line across the asphalt gray of the sky. And these are moments of freefall, when there is nothing betwen you and the ground except air, and the wind whistles in your ear. I don't have a harness anymore for this bungee jump. I think I threw it away ages ago. I landed on the ground safely before, albeit with a few bumps and bruises and cuts on my palms from where I fell. What I don't understand is this decision to climb up again and repeat the jump. Am I always hoping for something to catch me when I tumble down?

I'm afraid. The ground is rocky and I still have a long way to go. I can't see anyone who will catch me when I reach the bottom.

(I'm confused now. I don't know whether what I did was right or wrong. And now I've disappointed someone - one of the last persons who I wanted to be disappointed in me. And I don't know where I stand. I'm so sorry, Mase...)

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