Thursday, October 07, 2004


A Study in Olive (or How to Live in Proper Dimensions without Actually Challenging the Portal Gods)

So here's the thing - I'm in a whimsical mood today so I really won't make sense. I'm already halfway through finals week and I have a job interview tomorrow as well as other errands to make and so if you can't follow my trail of thought, then that's the whole point -

Because even I can't.

(I shall try and make this as coherent as possible.)

I want to write a story entitled A Study in Olive. No idea what it's about. I just want to write it.

I have two more stories waiting for revisions, to be emailed to the Great White Fiction Instructor on Friday. I don't know how to end the other one. I will just end up shooting my characters in the head again. Did you know that? My characters hate me. I always end up killing someone. Well, until recently. And then I keep on bringing them back to life. And then making them commit suicide again. What is this fixation with death lately? It's not as if you can do it again and again and again, like the Energizer Bunny.

I've been getting sick again. My throat feels like it's being scraped with a potato peeler and tiny little flecks of flesh and capillaries are slowing floating down my esophagus like tiny mozzarella curls - you know, the hard block of cheese that you use dainty little knives to slice from, and you always have to slice in a triangular manner because it's bad form to actually grate cheese? My nose keeps on dripping, fuck it all, and it's expensive to keep on buying Kleenex and Strepsils just to keep up with my day.

I wish school would end.

Wait a minute, it is ending.


I won't be here on the 26th, Grey Tablers, so I can't go to the Oktoberfest. I'll be in Baguio.*kowtows* I'll just bring KZ some happy brownies or something like that. ^_^ Hopefully, it will be more exciting this time around - more boys, as the list of significant others grows longer. (Well, mukhang ako lang naman yung may olats na track record sa boys, e...hehe.)

Did I mention that I hated being sick? *scrolls back up to previous paragraphs* Oh yeah.

Gig tonight was good. Zena came. (I hope she'll come again - it's so much fun making fun of Meia while she's hitting the bongos onstage...) Hung out with Al Rio at the UP Village MiniStop past midnight, where I had a fruit cup because there wasn't anything else to eat that I wanted. Must start losing weight. *growl growl growl* Band needs to practice more. Meia should exercise her vocal cords and give the bongos back to Roja. Gyah. *huggles band* I stink of Manila smog. *smells herself* Must take bath soon.

Teaching demo earlier for English 191 finals. Had just a few minutes to speak, but still remembered how much fun it was. Maybe I will go back to teaching writing. In a few years. Let me earn my accolades first, so that at least I have enough validation to actually teach writing. Well, whatever, it was fun. From 10 AM - 3 PM we just sat there as everyone had to be both student and teacher, but not necessarily at the same time. One group discussed comics as narrative. I wanted to correct them regarding the definitions, but thought the better of it. I was supposed to be a freshman after all.

What is the concept of friendship?

I suddenly realized that I like my life. Despite everything.

If I ever have a boyfriend again - Gods willing, not anytime soon because I can't handle it at this point in my life - I still won't be the dumper. Because you can live with pain, but living with regret and guilt (particularly if the situation was more horrible than usual...say, you broke up with the person during a special day or if they just got back home from a particularly long trip and was missing you like crazy...okay, that's from personal experience but what the hell...) is something that will constantly weigh you down like a beer belly. And I don't want to have a beer belly. Gods, I don't even drink. At least with pain, you learn something from it. A sadder but wiser man, as the song goes. Sadder - maybe. Wiser - I'd like to think so. At least I know now what to avoid. *ticks off mental checklist then scurries off into her corner*

I shall be graduating by March. What a relief.

Welcome to the real world.

Thank you, John Mayer.

Riding the FX home from Vito Cruz was painful, because I was sitting in the front, the window seat - so that the driver wouldn't continually hit my leg with the stick shift - and you could see all the prostitutes (male and female) lining up from Quezon Avenue to the QC Circle and your heart just breaks for them. And you know that there's a choice made there somewhere, and that choice is what defines you. And a part of you feels guilty that you have a home to go back to, and a soft bed, and a bath, and your dignity and physical well-being. And it just stiflingly-chokingly-excruciatingly hurts.

*sparkle* *cough* *sparkle*

Na-inggit ako kina Elbert at Camy. Ang cute nila masyado. I hope they last for a long time. *throws all good vibes in the happy couple's direction*

I now go and bathe.

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