Wednesday, September 14, 2005

I Can Do Better Than That

I've found my guiding light
I tell the stars each night
Look at me, look at him
Son of a bitch, I guess I'm doing something right
I finally got something right...

- Catherine (Sherie Rene Scott), The Last Five Years: The Musical

It always amazes me how everything comes full circle.

Right now, I am teethering on the edge of possibility, something I never even quite considered a week ago. (Dean, I am firmly convinced that my good luck started when you reconsidered my story for publication. Thank you!) If anyone had told me how soon life was going to throw a curveball at me, I would have ducked. As it was, I seem to have been blindsided and now am seeing stars twinkling around my head like some Looney Tunes cartoon.

I swear, this is crazy.

A year and a few months of insanity, and just as I am finding steady ground, here I am, slipping into a relationship with a man seven years my senior. I have three new stories to write, commissioned by various friends who are all putting together various anthologies to promote a literary genre that I am also passionate about. Work is not getting any better, but the sidelines are, and so are the opportunities that come along with it. My pursuit of a postgraduate degree abroad is coming closer and closer, and I am crossing my fingers that things will soon take flight. That old cliche is right: When it rains, it pours.

I am just grateful, I suppose, that everything is opening up for me. Even when I was scraping the bottom of the emotional barrel, I still had friends who stuck by my - stubbornly, resolutely, never abandoning the possibility that I would get better. And guess what? It seems that whatever goes down inevitably comes up again. Life teaches you transience, I guess, that the unappreciated moment will never come back and so you might as well appreciate it now with the full knowledge that it will not last, that nothing really lasts.

And I am thankful, in a perverse and strange sort of way, that out of the tangle of a life, everything is finally being straightened out. I am loved, and in love, and on the road to something more that I've ever really expected, and really, it is such a lovely experience and I am glad that everything has happened the way they did - the good, the bad, and the ugly. No regrets, no apologies. I am strapped down, ready to go, rocket fuel loaded and in full throttle. This will be a wild ride.

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