Thursday, October 06, 2005

I Can Do Better Than That, Reprise

I have been on five (count 'em, FIVE) dates for the past month or so, all thanks to the technology that we have now. Initially, I also balked at the idea of online dating because it seemed too fake, and because if I can't find proper men in real life, what are the chances that they would exist online?

But then, I realized that I had no interest to expand my current social circles, since they were unwieldy enough as they were, and that hey, maybe the man of my dreams would actually be online, in some godforsaken place that I've never really heard of. So this was to be my social experiment of sorts, to answer the question: Is it possible to find true love online? And on a personal ad site, no less!

So. In the interest of remembering who they were, and why I have decided on my conclusion, the five blokes (for lack of a better term) I went out with and why they were not working out.

Bloke No. 1 His name is John C. and he was a musician. A drummer for a band, in fact. He was 28, and had two children from two different women. He was actually very enthusiastic and funny, and I remember him for making me wait at PowerBooks Megamall for over two hours only for me to find out that he had pawned off his phone just so he'd have ready cash to date me. We went out for 12 days (those 12 days that I was unfortunately taken) and then he disappeared. No kidding. He just disappeared. No calls, no texts, no nothing.

I liked him, honestly. He was a nice and decent guy, and didn't grope my all at once. (I was the one who did the groping.) A part of me actually wishes that we did end up together. Out of everyone else, he's the one that I still have a good memory of. But he was too unreliable, too prone to cancelling things at the last minute, too flighty for my taste.

Bloke No 2 His name is Jan N., and he was a lead singer for a heavy metal band. He's 25 and lived in Cavite, and was a movie buff. I was actually surprised that it was so easy to talk to him, and so easy to have a conversation with him. But then, things started getting physical, and it was only on that date that I actually went inside a movie house TWICE without really paying attention to the movie.

He's not a looker, not by a million miles, but he listened to me, as in PROPERLY listened to me when I talked, but it was so funny because he told me "not to will things too much." Apparently, he meant not to think too much. Unfortunately, I disappeared on him, because all he wanted to do was get into my pants.

Bloke No. 3 His name is John A. and I swear, this guy is still on my mind. We met the day I had drum practice, and I had a crush on this guy the first moment I laid eyes on him. It was probably the only time I was *kilig* and went all schoolgirl-y on him. We hit it off immediately - same books, same movies, same interests, everything was connecting. And he was funny and sweet and kind and oh-so-cute and such a gentleman and then...

He didn't show up for our second date. Stood me up big time. Thank god there were friends with me who held my hand and let me go on self-pity mode for at most ten minutes before whapping me on the head with their mocha fraps.

But still, in my mind, he was The One That Got Away.

Bloke No. 4 His name is Rey, and he's a graduating student at UP Diliman with a degree in BS Educ - Math. He's 24 and a traveler. He must have gone around the country so many times that it's almost mind-boggling. He was very polite and romantic and he actually showed up at our first date bringing flowers. But then, after a while, he also stopped texting and visiting the house and so...

Damn, my copy of Mythology Class is still with him.

Bloke No. 5 His name is Ronald, and he's in an IT-related business, and he's out to get rich (or die tryin'). He's also 28, and he has a funny way of speaking, owing to the fact that he's from the province. It's not bad English, but I think I like it better when he speaks in Filipino. He has the distinction of making a girl cry in his car on the first date. Anyway, he's all right, but again, the entire wanting-to-get-into-my-pants thing? So not working anymore.

So I'm deciding that maybe I'm better off without a guy right now. After all, in the beginning, I was only after the affection, the physical contact. But now I'm realizing that I am already saturated with affection, and what I need is a guy who thinks that I'm *worth* all of the things I ask for in a guy, and more, and who will actually be willing to prove it to me. Being in love is not something you can get out of a website, that you can match vital statistics and pictures with. It is something that relies on chance and circumstance and chemistry, and not your hands between my legs, thanks very much.

I think true love can exist online, but it's not for me. I think I've learned my lessons. Painfully and with much tears and late-night phone calls to girl friends, but then again, bespren Elbert was right. Being alone doesn't mean that I have to be lonely. And with all of the things I'm dealing with right now, I don't need the added angst. And I will always have my friends with me, and that is what's important.

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