Saturday, October 08, 2005

Vignette: All That We Can Leave Behind

The dessert bar was brightly lit, filled with warm yellow tones and a cool blue-purple color scheme. We settled into a couch at the far end of the room, just across a couple who was feeding each other chocolate cake. It was already past midnight. For the first time in quite a long time, she had chocolate - "This drink was made for depressed women," she declared after her first sip.

This is the first time she acknowledged that perhaps things weren't going according to plan. That she was finally deciding to disappear, but she refuses to turn into glass. Instead, she decides to transform, and so we talk about it, quietly, with pop music playing in the background, with tears and pillows and chocolate. We kicked off our party shoes and just curled up on the opposite ends of the couch, each bringing recent experiences to the fore.

In the end, I told her, "You shouldn't put too much stock in men's promises. They never really push through."

She laughed. "Oh God, don't I know that."

"I've learned that men will promise just about anything to catch a girl, but that in the end, they can never stay." I shrug. "We need something long-term, someone who will stay. Men will say anything for a fuck."

"That's true." She sighed. "Except for Jake. He kept all his promises. Except the last one."

I pat her comfortingly on the knee. Her ex-fiance had left three years ago, and now they were separated by continents and seas. "There will be someone," I tell her, "who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. But you shouldn't settle for anything less. Take all the good things you learned from this experience, and leave the bad. There's no point in bearing a grudge. It wasn't his fault that he couldn't treat you the way you wanted him him. He's too damaged to actually function in a proper relationship right now."

She sniffled, and took a sip of her chocolate drink.

"Don't worry," I tell her, "things will turn out properly, and you'll find someone who is capable of being good to you. Just wait, and go on living. You're doing just fine."

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