(Written December 24, 2005)
Christmas has slowly lost its charm for the past couple of years for me. I suppose it's because it became more of a material thing rather than a celebration of family and friends and ultimately, of hope. While I am not a practicing Catholic, the tradition of Christmas for me is always something that has to be meaningful. Unfortunately, over the past few years, Christmas is increasingly becoming a challenge for my family because of the increasing tension between my parents. Right now, it's a quiet stalemate, but things are never going to be the same again.
But somehow, this year, Christmas is slowly rediscovering its charm. Maybe it's because I am loved in a way I never really thought was possible, maybe it's because the universe has managed to right itself before the year is over, maybe it's because I learned so many things this year that is slowly shaping me into the person that I always thought I could be, and maybe because I am slowly growing ito my own skin and learning what possibilities I have before me, a future that I never really thought was possible, and chances for better experiences, a better life. And ultimately, because I am thankful for everything that has happened, and looking forward to the following year.
Tonight is Christmas Eve, and we are celebrating with my mother's family. Yesterday, N and I spent the entire day together, and while there was stress and difficulties encountered, ultimately we managed to work things out and cement the relationship further, particularly for the coming year. Tomorrow is Christmas Day, to be spent with the pater's familia, and then an evening with G, before we all head out to the post-Christmas out-of-town trip with the Dans family. (And if you have the December 2005 issue of Good Housekeeping, turn to page 90 and learn all about my insane family's holiday traditions.)
And by the time you read this, I'll probably be back and have even more things to write about. So right now, it's a belated Happy Holidays to everyone, and a Wonderful New Year. ^_^