Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Breaking Point

Are you terribly disappointed in me? I am.

There is a moment when the breaking point is reached, and mine came a few hours earlier. No reason, but the damage has been done. What will he be thinking now? Yes, I have proven everything: I am weak and in need, I cannot last. Whatever fortitude I can boast has been exquisitely shattered, and all for the price of wanting to hear his voice.

I gave myself until Saturday. I failed miserably.

And now, all that is left is to see how far the fallen has come before coming to terms with herself. If this is the greatest damage that I can do, then it is already done. I am only thankful that he never picked up. I wouldn't have known what could have happened there. But I cannot take this anymore. Whatever my faults are, surely they are not awful enough to be punished with this. Have I been that bad, that selfish, that unknowingly stupid? Did I trust him enough to give him what I could give, and hope that he would, if not reciprocate, at least respect them enough? Limbo is not a pleasant place to be in.

So here I am. Bottom of the barrel again. Don't know what will happen anymore. And I'm already starting to not care.

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