Wednesday, September 27, 2006

0% Productivity

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L-R: Julia, Shailaja, Marissa, Jia Zhan, myself @ The Coffee Club in Takashimaya

It's almost the weekend and I feel like we've not done much that's productive. Well, I managed to take out books from the library, and finished two of the three readings for my presentations, and my research proposal is all ironed out, but still...

I think the kiasu environment is getting to me, or maybe my latent competetiveness is being brought out by the way everything just kind of hurries from one lesson to the next, without even allowing one to catch her breath. But this week, thankfully, it was pretty much a bonding experience, particularly for myself and my classmates. It's nice to get to know people outside of the classroom, and finally we're all kinda loosening up and just getting out there and laughing and swapping stories, and I'm glad that I'm finally forming circles of friends - both within and outside school - that are both interesting and exciting, and finally, finally, I'm DONE looking back and I can focus towards the future.

(Which, sadly, includes shitloads of papers to prepare for.)

But somehow, even the prospect of schoolwork doesn't faze me anymore: it feels like slipping back into a role that was made for me, like drawing on a particularly comfortable pair of underwear and knowing that everything is just where it's supposed to be. I'm not sure how long this will last, or the myriad ways this kind of balance can be upset, but for now I'm riding on a nice wave that is moving towards a new, glittering shore.

-----

It is after night
and the lamplight
become strobes
pushing past glass
bus windows and I
am hiding underneath
the upper deck
and my hands are over
my head like how
they taught me
in dark-saving class:

that the light,
no matter how kind should
never never never
be let inside. I am scared. See
how they pulse
and breathe and burn
beyond the sliver,
beyond the tincture
and mirror, my reflection
superimposed
against the flash
and burn
of the ball of light.

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