Thursday, September 07, 2006

Digital Drama and Right Conduct

There is nothing wrong with knowing people over the Internet. Hell, some of my friends right now I met through chance and circumstance: a random click and a bit of risk will get you somewhere in life. And for the most part, I have managed to hone my intarweb chatting skillz to the point that I can pretty much tell what kind of person you are just by the way you say "hello". Trust me - there are shitloads of people who can't spell worth a damn to save their lives, and should be hunted down and shot by the grammar police.

But seriously, if you're trying to pick up a girl on YM, please don't underestimate the fact that she can be slightly smarter than you. And if you give her a stupid reason like, "Oh gosh, I don't know how, but your handle just seemed to pop up on my friends list and I don't know how it got there. Can I have your name?" she will shoot you down faster than you can say your own name. I've known FISHES who introduce themselves better than that.

Because trust me, logic dictates that only YOU, the owner of a certain YM handle, can add or delete other people who you may or may not know personally on the list, because you have control of the damn list, because you have the password - unless of course you're stupid enough to give away the password and username to someone you don't trust, in which case you have several layers of stupidity going on there, wot? And unless you have a doppelganger or you can have out-of-body experiences OR you are diagnosed with disassociative personality disorder (once known as multiple personality disorder), you would have been the one to logically add someone's YM handle on to your YM list. And if you tell me that you found my YM handle on the Internet, then it would stand to reason that you either got it from this 'ere blog or from my Multiply account, which means you MUST know who I am - or are you one of those people who can't read proper English?

(But then, there are some people who would get a girl's phone number from Friendster but not their name - as if the name and the link to the Friendster page wasn't plastered across the screen in bright bold letters. So I wouldn't hold my breath either.)

A certain amount of knowledge of the person you're introducing yourself tto would be quite nice - after all, in this age of accessible information over the Internet, if you managed to get a girl's YM handle, you could at least try to Google her name, or at least find it on Friendster or something. And if you got the girl's handle off her homepage, it is customary to assume that you must have at least read the front of her homepage. Otherwise, you're just setting yourself up for target practice for several bolts of lightning from the heavens. Seriously though, please remember that the Internet is simply another medium of communication - kind of like a digital handshake - and that certain proprietary rules apply. Like GOOD GRAMMAR and PROPER SPELLING. dnt evn try 2 spl lk ths bcoz i wl hve ur tripes 4 brkfst.

Vowels have feelings too, you know.

And if you think you, O Person Who Wants To Know Me, can't be bothered by all of this - because yeah, all I'm asking is that you spell "u" as "you" and remember to use your linking verbs properly, and maybe try to click that link beside my YM handle because there's probably A VERY GOOD REASON I PUT IT THERE - then don't bother talking to me online. I deserve better company than you.

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