What is the life expectancy of desire? Can you honestly say that you love someone after a date, two dates, or even a month or so of going out? Why are we so ready to jump into this dark pool of romance and desire and NEED to have someone to hold our hands whenever we cross the road? Can't we keep our minds into the moment and just enjoy it for what it is - whatever it is - instead of expecting so many things from someone we've just met?
I don't know. It bothers me because a friend of mine is slowly drifting away from us, and it saddens me that this has to happen just when we were coming back from the holidays and so excited to go back here and just get on with life. I mean, I suppose we all have our own methods of coping with heartbreak, but then are you really sure it's heartbreak if you've only gone on (at most) two or three dates? Isn't it more of, you expected too much and then your expectations weren't met and then, shouldn't it be more of being disappointed with yourself for allowing yourself to get away with building castles in the sky?
But then, a part of me also knows how that feels because I've been there before, and a lot of people have seen me crash and burn so many times that it's already quite laughable. And I know how it feels to be lonely and to Just. Want. The. Company. But...is it so different from the other side of the fence? Even with someone whom you consider to be a "significant other" or a "special someone", isn't there still that point of Other-ing, of an awareness that they are separate from you, that you are still complete and whole and contained within your skin?
In other news, today is the second day it's raining like crazy in Singapore and my bed sheets refuse to dry properly and I have to string them across dining room chairs like ghosts and print-patterend wallpaper and I can't wash my hair because I inadvertently bought conditioner instead of shampoo and my hair refuses to dry, despite a hundred brushstrokes and a hundred words and the world is still gray and wet.
Oh, and I'm in love with Chuck Coleman, who was introduced to me by El, who piled me with new music the day before I left.
Wednesdays, 6-9 PM: Topics in Cultural Studies
Thursdays, 6-9 PM: The Rise of the Lyric
Fridays: 6-9 PM: Postcolonial Women Novelists
Good God, there's ANOTHER one of the postcolonial modules. O_o
Oh, and photos from Christmas and Hongkong are up already on Multiply. Just for starters...
Baby sister Bea and her Disneyland ticket
Dans in the city
Hobbit along the Ocean Park Boardwalk
More of them can be found at cousin Sandra's Multiply account as well. ^_^