Friday, March 23, 2007

Three Stories of Love and Heartbreak

I know about the trope of your best girl friends crying on your shoulder about the latest bastard who broke their hearts, but somehow, it seems to me that there is a sudden increase of lately single men who have been going all emotional on me because of their own breakups. It's a bit strange, to tell the truth, since I'm always the one who would root for the underdog (and usually, it's still the girls, save for one or two) but at the same time, you can't help but smack these guys because of their amazing stupidity and ignorance.

Take this one guy for example. Itago natin siya sa pangalang Gardo. Now "Gardo" seems like a nice and funny young man in his early thirties. When I first met him, he had a girlfriend, but he was already eyeing his "cutie" (in his words) officemate. I immediately told him that it might not be such a good idea since, you know, there was that little detail of him having a girlfriend. But of course, he says, "I still love my girlfriend, but I've liked this girl since before I've even met my girlfriend" etc.

To which, of course, I raised an eyebrow.

What bothered me most was when he says, a few days before Valentines' Day, that he planned to buy the officemate an expensive pair of Havaianas, and didn't want to take his girlfriend out on a date. If it wasn't for the computer screen separating us, I would have smacked him to kingdom come.

Needless to say, they broke up that weekend.

Immediately afterwards, he starts aggressively courting the "cutie" officemate (CO): buying her little things, swooning over her photo, and even used a picture of her as his avatar for a couple of days. When I asked him what he saw in her, he says, "Beauty and brains." (The beauty is questionable, and the brains...well, I can't say anything.) Apparently, he neglected to mention that she had the personality of a feral cat, since a few days after, she threw a tantrum in his general direction and made him feel like the shitwad of the century.

Moral of the story: Avoid the triple Bs - beauty, brains, and bitchiness - unless you can handle it.

And then of course, there's the story of "Jerome" (hindi pwedeng gamitin ang tunay na pangalan) who embarked on this sexperiment with the blessing of his girlfriend: he "felt" that he needed to "spread his wings and fly" (like the Mariah Carey song) and so started meeting other girls. Of course, I immediately questioned the sanity of said girlfriend, whose open-mindedness about her current beau's proclivities were the product of (in my mind) a slightly unhinged woman. And of course, being the nice person that I am, I warned him immediately that this was only going to end in tears.

Of course, I was brushed off.

Three months into the sexperiment, he tells me that he's fallen in love with his officemate. (What is it with these people and their officemates and how come I never even had a crush on anyone in my old office?) Of course, I inquired into the state of his girlfriend's emotional state, and he goes, "Well, when we started this, she made me promise not to fall in love with another girl." So it's a Look But Don't Touch situation, apparently. Yeah right.

Of course, he ended up in numerous compromising positions with his new Flavor of the Month, who immediately dropped him at the same time that his girlfriend has decided that she's had enough. Now, from the last time we've talked, he says that he's ready to let things go, and is mourning the fact that he's going to end up "all alone" because neither girl looks like she wants to be the one to catch him when he falls.

And I'm not going to be anyone's safety net either.

And finally, the most brilliant of brilliant stories: "Jepoy" is a civil servant whose girlfriend had recently cheated on him with another man, on the eve of Valentines Day - or so he claims. After indulging in a brilliant display of self-pity to rival my 19-year-old self (see old entries pertaining to the First Boyfriend), I never heard from him again...until two weeks later, when he claims he's found "the love of his life."

Of course, the fact that he's never even met the girl face-to-face is quite a challenge in itself. But of course, he says that he's ready to settle down with this woman and live the rest of his life by her side...

...until today, when they broke up. Why, you may ask? Of course, the brilliant girl (who, surprisingly enough, is working here in Singapore) was frightened of his ex-girlfriend (yes, the one who cheated on him and is, apparently, now in Australia) because the ex kept on sending the new girl threatening emails and making up "evil" stories about him and his wanton ways. Of course, the girl, in an amazing display of "I will love you forever and I want to spend the rest of my life with you" moment, decided to break off with Jepoy because she was scared that the ex-girlfriend will spread her bat-wings and fly all the way from Australia to Singapore and eat her up.

Of course, he's heartbroken. He's already built his castle in the clouds. He's already decided the names of their grandchildren. He's already planned the motif of their wedding. He's never even met the girl. It's brilliant!

There are moments when I want to say, "Oh, poor you." But then, there's also that greater part of me that grins evilly and says, "Well, I told you so."

Guess which part wins out?

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