Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Times Moves Oh So Slowly

When my good friend and resident mystic Andrew agreed to read the cards for me (because tarot card readers can't really read for themselves; we'll be too subjective about the entire thing), the primary card surprised me. In the Buddha deck, he says that - and I'm paraphrasing here, since I don't know which card in my deck this one corresponds to - Ordinariness represents things at a standstill, without anything exciting or out of the ordinary to happen. I'm a bit on the fence about this interpretation; on the one hand, that means that my life won't be upset by anything out of the ordinary, that I still get to maintain that zen-like mindset I cultuvated abroad. But on the other hand, I want to be upset and to have my life go on another emotional rollercoaster of amazinglygravitydefyinginsanity. I've always maintained that to write, one has to live, and I can't write if I merely exist.

In other words, the summer's pretty much in full swing. I have a couple of freelance gigs lined up - nothing major, but all geared towards a bigger plan: moving out by next year. There's already a place that's being held for me, and hopefully I can get a decent-paying job by December so things won't be too hard on my savings. The parents are supportive of the plans, which is always nice: of course, my dad is all systems go about it, saying that 24 is a good age to already move out of the house, and my mom is encouraging me to pencil push my finances first before committing to anything. I'm just crossing my fingers and coordinating with my Secret Housemate so that at least the rest of the year can run smoothly for the both of us and so that I can move in by January or February at the latest. ^_^

Not much plans, creative-wise. There's a story that still requires an ending, another story that requires a beginning, and a couple of concepts for poems that somehow refuse to manifest themselves on paper as of the moment. As usual, I shall have to be patient and just let the words crowd themselves in my head before committing them on the page. I know the value of discipline when it comes to writing, but I'm still waiting for the lightning zap to the brain stem before I actually start typing. I know I'm on the verge of managing to start something, it's just the final jump from the mind to the page that's giving me trouble.

Still, things wobble between the amazinglygood and the horrifyinglybad. But then, I like wobbling. So everything should work out good. ^_^

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