Friday, August 03, 2007

At the End of All Things (Reprise)

Well then. That was that.

It's funny to think how, in the next few days, everything will have a mark of "first" and "last" - the first semester of the new school year, and yet this is my last semester as well. This is the last time I am saying goodbye to Manila; the next time I return, it will be for good. Everything is marked by beginnings and endings, the Fool and the World, as the major Arcana would have represented it. Things always come full circle.

Perhaps the hardest to say goodbye to this time around was C. It's almost 4 AM by my reckoning and I know I need to sleep soon, but somehow, I just need to put this down before my memory starts playing tricks on me. It's funny, really, how all it's always the new friendships that you have the hardest time saying goodbye to. Maybe it's because there is that awareness that things are fragile, intangible, and have yet to stand the cruelest and most indifferent test of all: time. My confidence in my other friends never waver - I know the years might not have been kind to us, but the years have proven that loyalty and trust is still there. But with this one...this three-month affair is suddenly so important precisely because it is so tenuous, and this is what frightens us. The fact that change is an inevitability, and at the end of it all, we will both be changed.

By this time tomorrow, I will be back in my bedroom at Normanton Park, the airconditioning unit whirring in the background. I know my floor and desk and shelves will be dusty, so I need to do a quick sweep before I crash into bed. Hopefully, I still have my toiletries intact for a shower, and I have to remember to launder my old sheets. Saturday will be spent reclaiming my life as a student and as a tenant - rent, groceries, laundry, budget. I have a proposal to write and classes to sign up for. And of course, there is still work to be done.

Still, I'm thankful that I do not have any regrets over the last summer, and that I will not exchange everything that has happened for anything else in the world.

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