Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Fallout

I feel raw and rubbed clean off the bone. It's not so much an emotional thing, but I think maybe the stress is starting to get to me, even though it's just the second week of school. I have never had this much workload before - two presentations every week, books to buy and read, essays to write and compile...the sheer volume of requirements that have to be done is more than enough to set my teeth on edge. Not to mention the emotional fallout of some of my modules that touch a little too close to home.

I was telling C last night, in my amazing routine of curling up on the bed and feeling low, despite the fact that I had just talked to Nanay and that I managed to do everything that I was supposed to do yesterday, that maybe I was living outside my skin too much, I can't seem to contain whatever it is that I'm feeling and I always operate two steps ahead of my brain. I don't know. I just wanted to be taken care of - and not in the Italian Mafia kind of way. O_o I don't know - sometimes everything is just starting to move too fast, and I want to say, "Wait, wait, let me finish first this one before moving on to the next!" But of course, it doesn't work that way, and the universe has a way of piling things up on you.

And besides, August is always a bad month. It's the Festival of the Hungry Ghosts, for one - barriers are broken and things always spin beyond control. There's the monsoon that's out of place, the Peruvian earthquake, the Malaysian bus disaster a couple of weeks back, and then yesterday, that Chinese jet plane that crashed. Not to mention the million and one international and national problems that we face - there's simply too much for the world to accept, and she's throwing a temper tantrum already. Oh well. A couple more weeks and it should be over. Oh, how I wish it was over.

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