Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Breaking Seams

Gah. I think it's that time of the semester again when the workload + hormones + workload is equivalent to the amazing breakdown of the century. I haven't cried into my pillow for months now just from sheer exhaustion. I mean, granted, I know I'm thankful for a lot of things, but seriously, the work is just too much. And I can't let go of ANYTHING without serious consequences - and none of them are consequences I can handle. I need the cash, I need the grades, I need the publications. If I had known that choosing this career path would bring me here, maybe I would have opted for being an accountant. It's a cushy job, but then I'm absolutely lousy with numbers, so I don't foresee success in that direction.

And I don't know - I'm waiting and waiting for payback, but somehow I can't really see it happening. Or maybe it's because all of these things are inside my head and I don't have anyone to vent on, maybe except for a few choice people online, but then again, typing a million gazillion things kind of loses its meaning after awhile. Everything's becoming this huge vicious cycle and the machinery is slowly breaking down and I'm not sure how long I can still keep this up without having a complete breakdown just because I cannot. Handle. It. Anymore. And this isn't some job that I can just resign, or a bad relationship I can walk away from. It's just...well, it's just too much. But I still need them. Sigh.

Okay, I just need to sleep. For a long time. Sleep is good. Sleep is...

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