Thursday, October 18, 2007

The Damsel in the Tower

I feel like I'm back to my undergrad days again, not that it was that far away in the first place. But staying at a deserted canteen past midnight with your boyfriend, your school things scattered across the white Formica, is something you do in your senior year, when you can't be bothered to go to classes or finish papers, when you're constantly running after deadlines, when all the campus shortcuts are memorized like the back of your hand, or your favorite childhood tree. My brain has decided to take the easy way out, and is slowly releasing waves of suggestion - sleep, sleeeeeep, sleeeeeeeeeeeep.

But I can't, I tell my brain decidedly. I have to work.

Bleh, says my brain, and presses All Caps for good measure. BLEH BLEH BLEH.

There are still too many things to do - classes to attend and papers to write (two final papers! an ISM project!), weight to lose and job applications to fill out - everything marching across my line of vision like a parade of ants, scarlet and shiny, a game of connect the dots. I wish things were that easy - one thing following the other, a cause-and-effect moment of transcendence. But things are complicated, and chance and circumstance have a way of playing with your head. I wish December was over and done with. We hope and hope, but until then, nothing will be for certain.

I can see the long ribbon of my future unfurling before me.

You'll have to forgive the randomness. My boyfriend has my coffee and he's not back yet. O_o

In the meantime, I wait. I'm used to this already.

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