Sunday, October 28, 2007

Week Eleven

A bit depressed right now, coming at the heels of a bad gastro attack earlier this morning, getting rejected by (yet another) company that I applied for, and knowing that I missed the annual CC Juniors Halloween Party - apparently, it's our tenth year of holding the party and we've been friends that long, and I just feel horrid that I've missed out on it two years in a row. And it seems that, if things go the way they do, I might miss out on it next year as well.

It's funny how I seem to vacillate from one end of the emotional spectrum to another. On the one hand, I know that I want to stay here - independence, especially financial independence, is always an amazing thing to experience, and I don't think I can return to the place I was in before all of these things happened. But I read all these things, updates on blogs and photos and I just MISS everyone and everything and the vibrancy and the excitement and knowing that there are a hundred million things I can do everyday and every night in Manila and I'll never run out of amusements or places to go to or people to see. And sometimes I miss that - especially right now, when I rarely go out during the weekends, and usually just with my boy.

But I also know that I can't stay in Manila, not with the kind of life I have right now - and no, it's not just because of the boyfriend. There are too many opportunities here, and I want to see what I can do before I have other responsiblities, other than myself - you know, before a husband and children and all these things. I want to be able to save up and be secure and be independent before I settle down properly. Singapore offers me a chance to travel and go around Asia, and the financial security and status to do it properly...all these things I will probably have a harder time doing if I stayed in Manila.

But still. I miss people. I keep having these weird urges to go to places like Serendra or Makati or Katipunan in the morning, as if Manila and Singapore would overlap and mix together. And I'm not sure where things are going right now in terms of work and school and I hate the fact that I have papers hanging over my head when all I want to do is look for a job, finish existing freelance projects, and get things settled by next year.

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Oh, I got a wisdom tooth removed last week. Maybe that's why I'm lacking a bit of wisdom right now.


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