Monday, September 02, 2013

no strings attached

Sometimes, it's just easier to disengage. To draw a black-marked line around the borders of a life, tracing boundaries with a felt-tip pen and saying, "I am staying here." Sometimes, you don't want to take sides anymore, or to stay angry, or to give a damn. Sometimes, all you want to do is sit in a corner with a good book and a cup of coffee and pretend that you are somewhere else.

It's easy to do that: just cut off all ties like balloon strings, like a kite. Allow the wind to cradle your cheek in its cool palm. Let your thoughts scatter to the breeze. It's easier that way - after all, at the end of the day, the only person you need to answer to is yourself. Were your intentions honorable? Did you cause hurt or harm to anyone, including yourself? Did you do your best?

There are days when it's just so easy to pack a bag, take a trip to another city, another place where nobody knows your name, where you can start over. You've done it before.

But then, you know that escaping is always temporary. In the end, you are always drawn back, circling the moment where you felt the world fragment, breaking under the pressure of words that were never spoken, thoughts that were never allowed to go free. You want to pour everything out, like a cracked vessel. You forget that there were reasons for your silence in the first place.

Here's the thing: everything ends. Even this. And perhaps you might break a little bit further, find yourself standing on the other side of the line. Nobody wanted the trouble. Nobody wanted the time. But at the end of the day, everything must come to a close. And that is something you can look forward to - the day when everyone, like you, will forget.

Wish them well. Wish them all the love and affection that they deserve. And then step away. There's nothing more you can do but say goodbye.

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